Fatherly Advice from Prison
Writing from the Tower of London, Sir Walter Raleigh guided his young son on how to live...
What do you say to a son you fear you’ll never live to see grow up?
It was this dread prospect which faced one of the most romantic heroes of the English Renaissance, Sir Walter Raleigh, in the early years of the 17th century.
Few men commanded the admiration of the public quite like Sir Walter Raleigh. The favourite of Queen Elizabeth I, Raleigh cut a dashing figure in Elizabethan England, challenging the might of imperial Spain on the high seas and distant shores of the Americas. His flamboyant personality however, and habitual risk-taking, made him many enemies as he searched in eternal vain for El Dorado.
Falling afoul of political intrigues, and his own outlandish ambitions, in 1603 he was condemned to the Tower, where he would remain incarcerated for much of the next fifteen years. Deprived of adventure, during those long years of crushed hope Raleigh became a prolific writer. Yet alongside his epic History of the World there emerged a much less famous, and far more personal work, which would not become public until long after his execution on the 29th October 1618.
Published posthumously in 1632 as Sir Walter Raleigh’s Instructions to His Sonne, in it the great swashbuckler advises his son — likely his then eldest surviving son, Walter ‘Wat’ Raleigh — on how best to approach life, and avoid being led astray.
Today, we explore what Sir Walter Raleigh taught his son, and what he can teach you too about building, and protecting, a family legacy…
But first — we’re going to Italy!
This coming May, we’re hosting two exciting retreats to Bergamo and Venice. To learn more and apply to join us, click the button below:
Now, back to the article…
The Choice of Friends
“There is nothing more becoming any wise man, than to make choice of friends, for by them thou shalt be judged what thou art”
Sir Walter Raleigh, Instructions to His Sonne
Exactly when during his lengthy imprisonment Raleigh wrote the Instructions is unknown. If he understandably began the work shortly after his conviction in 1603, then this was indeed intended for his eldest and favoured son Wat, who would have been ten years old at the time. As a result, it is itself curious which topics Raleigh chose to focus on when advising a son who was still a minor.
Appropriately therefore, the Instructions open with advice on how best to choose friends, and in this, Raleigh goes straight to the point:
“Let them therefore be wise and virtuous, and none of those that follow thee for gain but make election rather of thy betters, than thy inferiors, shunning always such as are poor and needy”
Sir Walter Raleigh, Instructions to His Sonne
A helpful rule of thumb, he argues, is to ‘befriend upwards’. This does not necessarily mean choosing friends strictly for their social status, but rather on the basis of who has something to either actively or passively teach you.
Likewise, to be avoided at all costs are those who attempt to befriend you because they need something. As Raleigh relates, the inevitable result of such a relationship is a poisonous dependency. You may give them gifts on twenty occasions, he explains, but all they will remember is the twenty first when you did not, and they will despise you for it.
On the other hand, by ‘befriending upwards’ you can be sure of two things:
“The first, that they will be more careful to keep thy counsel, because they have more to lose than thou hast : the second, they will esteem thee for thyself, and not for that which thou dost possess”
Sir Walter Raleigh, Instructions to His Sonne
A friend who constantly feels, or is made to feel, that he owes you something is after all a friend one incident away from becoming your enemy. A friend who feels comfortable in your company, who can share his thoughts without feeling the pressure to share anything else, will esteem you for who you are and not what you have.
At the same time, Raleigh urges his son, one should be wary of all ‘friends’ who seek to lead you towards unvirtuous conduct or dealings, or else those who would have you gamble with otherwise secure possessions, “for such men labour for themselves, and not for thee; thou shalt be sure to part with them in the danger, but not in the honour”.
A simple philosophy to adopt, he concludes, is to “Love God, thy Country, thy Prince, and thine own Estate, before all others”. By doing so, you will automatically filter out the majority of bad actors, for there is not one villain upon this Earth who does not have evil intent upon one or more of these four.
The choice of friends, for Sir Walter Raleigh, is the most pressing concern for a growing boy. The next, however, will become even more important: the choice of a wife…
The Choice of A Wife
”The next and greatest care ought to be in the choice of a wife, and the only danger therein, is beauty, by which all men in all ages, wise and foolish, have been betrayed”
Sir Walter Raleigh, Instructions to His Sonne
True to that eccentric and forthright character which would so often land him in hot water, Sir Walter Raleigh uses the very first sentence of his advice on choosing a wife to issue a direct warning.
That many a man has fallen afoul of a woman whose beauty masked diabolic intent is, of course, hardly a novel observation. It has occurred so frequently and resulted in so many disastrous consequences, for men and entire kingdoms, that to warn of it has become a cliché. To his credit, however, Raleigh acknowledges the futility of merely warning about the dangers of beauty:
“And though I know it vain to use reasons or arguments to dissuade thee from being captivated therewith, there being few or none that ever resisted that witchery, yet I cannot omit to warn thee, as of other things, which may be thy ruin and destruction”
Sir Walter Raleigh, Instructions to His Sonne
With an almost audible sigh emanating from the pages, Raleigh laments that it is the curse of men to prefer a fantasy in beauty to “honour, credit and safety”. As a more meaningful counter, however, he reminds his son of two things:
“But remember, that though these affections do not last, yet the bond of marriage dureth to the end of thy life. Remember, secondly, that if thou marry for beauty, thou bindest thyself all thy life for that which perchance will neither last nor please thee one year; and when thou hast it, it will be to thee of no price at all; for the desire dieth when it is attained, and the affection perisheth when it is satisfied”
Sir Walter Raleigh, Instructions to His Sonne
In other words, to direct one’s desire at something which is temporary is a recipe for unhappiness. Furthermore, and perhaps more profoundly among Raleigh’s observations, a sure sign of misdirected desire is a feeling of emptiness upon obtaining the object of said desire. To succumb to beauty over virtue is to confuse a door for the warmth of the fireplace. Or, in the as Aristotle put it, to confuse something you want for its own sake with something that you want for the sake of something else.
Since marriage is for life, marriage will by definition outlast beauty, and thus a marriage unanchored by the permanence of virtue is guaranteed to fail. To guard against this, Raleigh expands that it is not that one should regard all beauty as venomous, but rather that one should remain focused on what the end goal of marriage actually is:
“Yet I wish thee above all the rest, have a care thou dost not marry an uncomely woman for any respect; for comeliness in children is riches, if nothing else be left them. And if thou have care for thy races of horses, and other beasts, value the shape and comeliness of thy children, before alliances or riches”
Sir Walter Raleigh, Instructions to His Sonne
The treasure of marriage, therefore, is what marriage produces — the future heirs of the family — and therefore the best choice of wife is the woman best able to nurture that treasure. Citing Proverbs 31:10, Raleigh asserts that a virtuous wife is a woman who neither craves favours nor clings to beauty, but fears the Lord. Only such a woman can you rest fully assured will safeguard your estate and children should something happen to you.
On the delicate matter of time, Raleigh’s advice on the proper age for his son to marry is intriguingly specific:
“Thy best time for marriage will be towards thirty, for as the younger times are unfit, either to choose or to govern a wife and family, so if thou stay long thou shalt hardly see the education of thy children, who being left to strangers, are in effect lost: and better were it to be unborn, than ill-bred; for thereby thy posterity shall either perish, or remain a shame to thy name and family”
Sir Walter Raleigh, Instructions to His Sonne
This of course reinforces his prior point about children being the centre of marriage. If you are to be a responsible and successful husband, it goes without saying that you should become a father young enough to permit you to see your children through to maturity. One can only imagine the anguish of Raleigh at writing these words during those long nights in the Tower, fearing that any day might be his last, and that he indeed might never live to see young Wat come of age.
It is perhaps for this that Raleigh indeed turns next to the subject of age, and of how best to live one’s youth and guard against its worst corruptions…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to INVICTUS to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.